I can’t really tell you why exactly I started this blog. The truth is a lot has been changing for me and I guess I don’t know where to put it all, so here I am. I thought I’d document everything; the things that have happened, the things that are happening, and the things I realize along the way. To put it simply, I have been to hell and back in the past 6 months. The people and places that I had grown comfortable with fell apart around me and I was faced with some bitter realities. However, that is not the point. The point is that I have grown and continue to grow since then, this is my way of recording that growth for myself. I have realized many things about myself, and I am so unbearably excited that I feel the need to share it somewhere.
When I was 15 years old, I heard the song Oceans by Hillsong and the lyrics have been on my mind ever since: spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. To not only walk closely with god but to live a life free of fear and insecurity, trusting that you are enough. As somebody who has struggled with fear and anxiety, it stuck with me. One day years later, I found myself at rock bottom. I was absolutely miserable, but then I realized that I was tired of letting worry and depression run my life. I was feeling defeated about who I was- and I was sick of it. From that moment on, I decided it was time for me to start living and stop caring about other peoples judgements of me. I was just going to be undeniably Alicia, insecurity be damned. For me, that’s what this is all about- so naturally it became the name of this little endeavour.
This blog is one of many spontaneous things that I’ve started this past year, on my “journey” to figure out the crazy mess that is 2017. My life has been turned upside down and I’m ready to start picking up the pieces. I have to say, I’m doing this for myself but there is a tiny part of me that hopes somebody reads my rambling and realizes that perhaps we are not all that different.
what i have
and i am happy
what i’ve lost
and i am
outlook – rupi kaur