feeling down

I’ll admit it- I haven’t been feeling my best as of late. This blog is supposed to be about all the things that impact my life; not just the happy moments. So here I am.

I can’t tell you why exactly sadness has gotten a hold on me lately. Maybe it’s just being done with classes. My life has been crazy- absolutely jam packed for the last 8 months, and now suddenly it feels like I have nothing to do. I’ve gotten so used to being extremely busy that I almost feel useless sitting around the house. I’ve always been extremely ambitious and extremely determined, so I know I’m allowed to have this break but I can’t help feeling like I’m slacking off. It’s not a good feeling.

Over the years, I’ve realized that I am capable much more than I thought possible, and I’ve committed my entire life to proving I’m living up to that ‘potential’. Unfortunately, I am also capable of a lot of overthinking. I spend so many hours worrying, thinking about all the things I haven’t accomplished yet rather than all the things I’ve already done. I think that’s why I like being so busy. It’s almost like I’ve made this behaviour to keep myself from thinking so much. When I’m exhausted and totally burned out from juggling so many things I just don’t have the time to sit and worry myself, but when everything calms down I get stuck alone with my thoughts. I simply don’t like being alone with myself sometimes- as hard as that is to admit, I’m putting it out here because I need to work on it (and that can only happen if I face facts).

Self-love is hard, and it takes a lot of time and effort- but it is so incredibly necessary to my life. The only person you’ll have to spend your entire life with is you, and you have to like that person in order to be okay with that. Bad days are okay, everybody has them. If I didn’t go through this little depression, I doubt I’d appreciate the fun times I’ve had nearly as much. Right now the only person who’s holding me back from my happiness is me, and that needs to change. If a few gloomy days helps me realize that, then I’m on my way to being an even better person. I guess feeling down isn’t so bad after all.

Alicia

Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead.

1 Peter 1:6

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